Welcome to My Nightmare

I was contacted by a close friend who directs the alumni organization for a well-known college, and she needed my help for one of their fundraising events. They didn’t have much of a budget (who does these days?), and they needed someone to do sound for their annual talent competition fundraiser. I told her that I would be glad to help and that I would bring as much gear as I could so she shouldn’t need to rent anything for sound.

Ahhhhhh, spring, when a boy’s thoughts turn to… events!

In the last four weeks, I’ve seen successes and debacles across a variety of events and venues, and this rant may be a way to get it out of my head, while giving you some food for thought.

I am not a Roman Catholic, but I imagine this is what it feels like to enter the confessional. To expose my sins and hope fervently for the forgiveness that will make the rest of my life livable. What follows is a tale of woe, destruction, humiliation and anguish. I wish I could say it has a happy ending, but it doesn’t.

This is the fourth and final installment in the Superglue saga, a cautionary tale of how silly pranks can escalate into serious mayhem and swift (if not quite instant) karmic retaliation. Previous installments include "The Game's Afoot " (FOH, Aug. 2011); "Bottle Rockets and ‘Snow' " (Sept. 2011) and "Adding Injury to Insult " (Oct. 2011). -ed.

The third installment in this saga of simple pranks escalating into mayhem follows two other "Nightmare" installments: "The Game's Afoot" (Aug. 2011) and "Bottle Rockets and ‘Snow'" (Sept. 2011). The grand finale will be next month. (Hint: It has something to do with superglue.) -ed. 

We couldn't begin to fit Dave Fletcher's epic "Welcome to my Nightmare" submission in one issue. This is the second part of Fletcher's four-part saga of an escalating series of pranks and counter-pranks. The prankster's "two eyes for an eye" code of justice led to some mass destruction of hotel property, but, thankfully, the war games never degenerated into full-scale missile assaults or nuclear winter. -ed.

Okay, some of you remember reading the story of my nightmare titled “Nightmare on Murphy Street – Denver Edition” (FOH, Oct. 2007) and enjoyed reading about life on the road when Mr. Murphy is around. Well, there are other times when Mr. Murphy (I always use the title, as you never know when he may be taking notes) uses the hands of others to make you take a moment of pause and reflection. Such is the case here.

This one's more of a "tale from the road" (Aerosmith's 2010 South American tour) than a "gig from hell"…

Back in the late 1970s, I was doing semi-permanent house sound at a club in Cleveland, OH. They were pretty eclectic in what they presented, with a few days a month being dedicated to punk. With all the bands that were boiling out of nearby Akron, we got a lot that went on to national level. Well, one night we were headlining the Dead Boys.

I was doing sound for a Hare Krishna event. I had the usual surprise instruments show up for several of the acts – but that's no surprise to me anymore. Anyhow, there was a bit where this guy was doing a long speech on a hand-held wireless. This seemed like the opportune moment for me to grab a bite to eat.

I was working in the Midwest as a sound guy for a local bar band. We were playing at a bar that had a switch installed onstage so the band could turn the jukebox off and on before and after each set. The band was just about ready to kick into the first song of the night when I realized that although the room was quiet, it was because the jukebox was between songs and that nobody on stage had hit the switch.

8 a.m., Sunday morning, and the big Christmas program at Trinity Church International in Lake Worth, FL is about to get underway. Loads of planning, months of rehearsals, hiring a string and horn section (small orchestra) went into this. plus stage setup, chairs, mics, and programmed lights. It's gonna be a great show.