Steve La Cerra’s “Theory and Practice” column picks up this month where last month’s column, “Tour Managing for Dummies,” left off (FRONT of HOUSE, June 2013, page 57). His introduction to the wonderful world of tour managing continues. —ed.
Rule 7: Take Care of Your Crew
When your crew is happy, life is good. Do everything you can to make sure they have a good day. A bus can be a safe haven for the crew (particularly when the day is not going well), but in the world of fly dates and one-offs — where there is no bus — find them a place to relax when time permits. A hungry tech is an unhappy tech, so get them fed (breakfast for early load-ins, lunch for mid-day load-ins, and dinner always). If the crew is so pressed for time that they can’t stop to eat, have food brought to the stage for them.
Multiply times 10 for outdoor summer shows when the heat is unbearable. There are days when your crew is so busy working that they neglect to do things like drink water. Learn to recognize the signs of dehydration: headache, dizziness, clammy skin, lack of sweating, decreased urination. Plentiful supplies of bottled water on stage is a must. This is NOT negotiable.
Rule 7a: French Fries are Not Dinner
Bars and clubs would prefer to feed you from the bar menu but, quite frankly, such cuisine is often crap — plus it generally doesn’t accommodate special dietary needs. We have a line in our hospitality rider that goes something like: “We do not consider bar or pub food to be a proper dinner. Dinner from a deep fryer is unacceptable.”
If you don’t cut that down ahead of time, you can expect burgers and fries every day. Be aware of dietary requirements of the band and crew. We run into a fair number of venues managed by people who have no clue what it means to be vegan (“well, we got chicken…” — true story). The dressing room hospitality rider is a backup to the meals. That’s why we have peanut butter and jelly on the rider (if all else fails). By the way, I was pleasantly surprised to learn that a Subway Veggie Delite sandwich is vegan-friendly if you leave off the cheese.
While you’re working on feeding the band, find out if any of them have allergies to food or medications. Heaven forbid that you have to take someone to the hospital. You need to know these things.
Rule 8: You are Responsible for the
Behavior of your Crew
The following comments do not apply to my current BÖC crew of Andrew Gearhart, Andy Ascolese and (when possible) Sam Stauff. They are an A-Team unlike any other. If I could have all three of them at every show, my life would be amazing. In the past, however, I have worked with some very difficult techs, people who thought they were in the band. There was the guy who mouthed off at the union steward at Milwaukee Summerfest. This is NOT acceptable.
Make it clear to your crew that if they have an issue, they need to get you involved and that you are there to support them. Neither you nor you crew should ever cause an incident that creates ill will against the band. Let’s face it: the band is only at the gig for an hour or two. The crew represents the band at the venue all day. When promoters, a house crew or union hands comment that a band is difficult to work with, they really mean the crew. When you cause trouble, two things happen. First, you don’t get asked back by the band. Second, the band does not get asked back by the venue or promoter.
If you work for Axl and he decides to set the stage on fire, well, it’s his money and his gig, and if that gig does not show up on the calendar next year, it’s his own fault (unfortunately you’re out of work for that day). A band should never lose a gig due to the behavior of the crew.
Rule 9: Be the Mom
Sometimes, when people ask me what I do, I say “I’m Shirley Partridge.” I carry industrial-size bottles of allergy relief and ibuprofen. I carry Band-Aids (and sunscreen for shows when the stage is facing the sun) because I know that no one else will. I ask for baby wipes in the dressing room. I set lobby call early enough so that we’re at the airport two hours ahead of time because I know that once in a while someone is going to sleep through their alarm, or drive to the wrong airport. I know everyone’s birthday and try to get a cake after the show. When we have silly early-leave times, I’ve been known to ring everyone’s room 15 minutes before lobby call.
Like being a Mom, a tour manager is on 24 hours a day, especially when it’s a small tour. If someone misses a flight, it’s your problem. If the airline loses a bag, it’s your problem. If someone doesn’t get the seat they want on a flight, it’s your problem. If two people in the band aren’t getting along, it’s your problem. If the stage gear sucks, it’s your problem.
Did you check the limo to make sure no one left a cell phone behind? A lost cell phone can be a major time-waster for you. If catering doesn’t have gluten-free, vegan, vegetarian or Vulcan options — it’s your problem. If the kazoo player has a fight with his wife at 3 a.m., it might be your problem.
Band members are done working after the show. My crew guys are done after we fly home, land and our cartage service picks up the gear. I’m done after all this, after I get home, and after the accounting is sent to the office. Then it all starts again for the next week. That’s why you always need to have a level head. Drugs are a no-no. Partying all night is a no-no. You have to be on your game at all times.
Geez, I coulda raised kids.
Rule 10: Watch Out for Sneaky People, Part 2
If it smells like a rotting fish, it is a rotting fish!
Recall Mr. Shadee from last month. Mr. Shadee’s brother booked us for a show at a club in the Midwest that shall remain nameless. Apparently ticket sales were soft, so in an effort to stimulate sales, he offered a premium VIP ticket that included a private meet and greet with the band.
The trouble was that he never discussed this with management. Recall Rule 2, from last month’s installment: “Get the Contract Face From The Office.” The contract face stipulates the price of the ticket.
Brother Shadee asked me what time I wanted to schedule the VIP meet.
“What VIP meet and greet?”
“Well, tickets weren’t selling, so I sold VIP tickets for (insert triple ticket price here) that included meeting the band after the show.”
“Really? Well now, I don’t think that’s going to happen…”
I call management and they (a) know nothing of this and (b) are furious with Brother Shadee because he’s broken the contract. I put him on my phone with management and they make it crystal clear to him: “You are an idiot and there will be no meet and greet.” My cell phone almost melted. I did my best not to laugh at how upset this guy became, but hey — what did he expect? Did I mention that we will settle payment in cash before the show?
Another thing to check with management is the autograph policy. People show up at a meet and greet with all sorts of stuff asking for it to be signed (a cowbell? How original. Ugh). Set a limit of one item per person, or people will show up with stacks of crap, get the items signed and then put them on eBay (plus the band will be there all night). Speaking of, lobby call is in four hours… I’m going to bed.
Stay tuned for another discussion on Lion Taming
