In the world of live sound I have often heard the term "sexy" used to describe certain inanimate objects such as consoles, speakers and effect processors, either singularly or in combination with each other. For example, an engineer said to me that he had seen a Brittany Spears show and that "The rig was great, a very sexy set up indeed." He said nothing at all about the show or the very sexy star herself, but he did give me the whole run down regarding the audio system and the "luscious" sound that was produced by this very sexy system. My engineer friend is inspired by technology and has a passion for audio and all its related components and my assumption is that he uses the term "sexy" and "luscious" metaphorically to describe a desirable system which produces a full sound. The same engineer uses the word "hot" to describe certain members of the opposite sex, and of course this term is also used figuratively to depict not her body temperature, but her level of sexiness. Sometimes, this very same engineer, while checking out some girl, will ask me "How many beers?" For those of you who are unacquainted with this terminology regarding the opposite sex it is a phrase used to describe the person's level of appeal in regard to bedding said person. For example, if the person in question is "hot" then the response would be "None." The less attractive or "hot" the girl might be would be reflected in the amount of beer one says they must consume before even considering a romantic liaison. Therefore, a 10-beer girl would be a girl who is not very "hot." Admittedly, this may be a degrading way of thinking about the opposite sex, but then again remember that this grading system is coming from a guy who thinks that audio gear is "sexy."
The other evening around 11 o'clock I received a call from my engineer friend who, on his day off, started extolling the virtues of the Midas Heritage console. Some of the words he used to describe the board were "sweet," "warm" and "juicy," which , loosely translated, means "No beer." I expressed concern that these might be inappropriate thoughts for a young man to have at such a late hour of the night considering that he had a girlfriend and she was there with him. I suggested that he not rush into anything with the Heritage until he was absolutely certain that the console had mutual feelings and I also insinuated that he possibly seek out some professional help if his problem persisted.
In the old days our work trunks and consoles were a display case for pictures of our romantic exploits on the road. The consoles were big and bulky, yet easy enough for most seasoned professionals to use. With our large analog consoles and huge racks of outboard gear we could create a wall of equipment around our mix position, get our mix up and running and basically party for the rest of the show, hidden by a fortress of equipment. I have heard some great and amusing stories told by many seasoned professionals that never once used the words "sexy," "juicy," or "luscious" to describe anything but those with whom they were partying. I know what some of you are thinking: "How inappropriate and unprofessional! Baker and his friends are all despicable human beings who do not take their job seriously and should be strung up from a truss and bombarded with 120dB square waves." For those of you indignantly reaching for your wireless laptop in order to send me a poison e-mail regarding my disgusting behavior let me say this: "Do your worst, who cares?" It was a different time and delirium and I am not speaking for every engineer of that analog era, just the few that built bachelor pads from their mountain of FOH gear.
The digital revolution has changed the face of touring in many ways, and while more bells and whistles are always fun to have at your fingertips, it does make it very difficult to party while operating equipment as complicated as the space shuttle. The digital age has also wreaked havoc on the "FOH den of iniquity" by making it possible to do away with those large bulky racks and compress everything into one piece of gear the size of a toaster, and, while the basic concepts of the electronics are similar, not every piece of equipment is the same. Therefore, just as we learn how to program and operate one piece of gear another newer and "sexier" model is thrust into our hands with an ever demanding need to provide a "juicier" sound.
I recently saw a very "sexy" touring set up consisting of a DiGiCo D5 being used as a front of house board, as well as a monitor board that controlled six on-stage mixes–including two mixes of PMs. The initial 24 inputs were internally split to the next bank of 24, inputs which was then used as the monitor desk. All effect sends were routed through the eight internal processors, but instead of using all the internal pre-amps the engineer opted to use six Avalon 737 pre-amp/compressors on vocal and acoustic channels (I'm pretty sure this was not for technical reasons, but just to have some racks for party protection). A laptop was being used to ensure the proper angles of the speaker hang as well as operating the crossover system and the digital snake running to the stage was the width of a drinking straw. Assuredly, this was a "sexy" system which would render a "luscious" sound, but as "juicy" as it might be, it certainly couldn't provide the space or privacy to really party during a show.
As with all technology, audio has evolved and grown into a much more precise and demanding profession with many more parameters to concern us, thus making partying under or around the console no longer a feasible option in today's demanding digital marketplace. Also, given all the manuals that need to be read between shows just to keep up with the burgeoning electronics, it's not hard to understand why the contemporary audio engineer has less of a social life than the engineers of days gone by or why, after many long and lonely nights on the road, they might begin referring to their equipment as "sexy," "luscious," or "juicy."
E-mail Baker at blee@fohonline.com.
