Bill Evans has told me that I can Blog for FOH Online. I’ve never Blogged before (is that a word), but Bill tells me I can write about anything related to our business. How’s about getting to the gig? If anyone ever tells you that you’re lucky because you travel to so many exciting places, hit them over the head with an Atlas mic stand and let them read this. The gig is often easy. It’s the commute that kills us.
This one started a few weeks ago when I called our travel agent regarding a gig in Trinidad, Calif. Yeah, Trinidad, Calif. Located in Humbolt County, somewhere near Eureka and Arcata. It’s one of two shows for the week, the other being Tacoma Wash. at the Emerald Queen Casino (a great venue, by the way). So we’ll be leaving from home. My west coast guys (Danny Miranda, bass and Jack Secret, tech stage left) have an easy commute from Las Vegas. “Easy” means they’ll leave @ 7:00 AM, take two flights and arrive in Arcata @ 11:30 AM. Day of show, of course. Under normal circumstances, the east coast guys fly from New York, Tampa and Detroit to the west coast day of show. After all, you pick up three hours when you fly NY to CA. Management has a wicked sense of timing.
In this particular case, our travel agent informs me that, if we leave NY day of show (which is Friday, April 13, I might add) we will have to depart @ 6:00 AM for San Francisco and then connect to Arcata. But as he looks at the scheduling, afternoon flights to Arcata are all sold out. Big tourist destination (not). The point is moot and we’ll have to leave the day before. While this sounds appealing, it really is not: people are going to miss other gigs in order to travel.
As I Blog this, it’s 8:00 AM pacific, Friday April 13 in Arcata but it’s really 37:00 PM eastern for me on Thursday April 12. My day has gone something like this:
Get up at 6:45 AM so I can get in and out of the bathroom before my beloved gets in there. Leave @ 9:00 AM for a brutal two-hour commute (in heavy windswept rain) from Brooklyn NY to White Plains NY where I will teach my Audio Systems Design and Installation Class at Mercy College. A few minutes before class starts, I learn that our lead singer had emergency root canal surgery the day before and is so ill that he will miss the Arcata gig, fly straight to Tacoma on Friday and do the Tacoma gig on Saturday. The class goes pretty well, though some last minute questions keep us until almost 2:45 PM. I have to be at Newark Airport at 4:00 PM. Let the games begin.
I tear out of White Plains fueled by Dunkin’ Donuts coffee (and a chocolate-coconut donut) and actually make it down to Newark by 4:15 PM (not so bad). On the way I learn from the radio that there are delays out of LaGuardia. I’m sure there will be problems at Newark.
Two bandmembers are waiting for me curbside at the United terminal with 10 pieces of band gear, all of which must be checked along with our 3 personal bags. Hmm. All airlines (except Southwest) allow you to check 2 bags per person, 2×3=6 and I have a total of 13 bags. That means I have to pay for 7 excess bags. That’s gonna hurt. Nice lady at United doesn’t bang us too bad considering the fact that some of these could be holding parts of Jimmy Hoffa (i.e. they’re heavy).
As we’re checking in we learn that the flight is late by about 40 minutes. Not good but it still leaves us enough time to make the connection from San Fran to Arcata, which (have I mentioned?) is the LAST flight out to Arcata for the night. Miss that and we spend the night in San Fran. No one is happy about that (especially management who will now be paying for hotel rooms in San Fran). Did I mention we have crappy seats in the last row of the plane?
At 6:30 PM, the airline folks (AKA Professional Liars) are telling us that the flight will leave at 7:02 PM, which still leaves us barely enough time to make the connection. But there’s no plane at the gate. At 6:45 PM they are still telling us the plane will leave at 7:02 PM but there still no plane at the gate. Do the math: it takes at least a half hour to unload and clean a plane, then load it with passengers. At 7:15 PM the plane pulls in and they’re telling us we’ll leave at 7:45 PM, make up some time in the air (bullsh*t) and land at 10:00 PM pacific time— still time to make the connection. I know they are lying so I get on the phone to our travel agent (who should be home having dinner with his family by now) and get phone numbers for hotels near the San Fran airport.
You think the music industry is f*cked up? Take a look at the travel industry. At least in the music industry we deliver a show sooner or later. The airline industry can’t even deliver my bags on a consistent basis. We should sue them for default. I call one of the band members (Don Roeser, guitar) who is sort of ‘on time’ out of Tampa and tell him that if we are not at the gate for the connecting flight, to try and stall the plane a few minutes until we get there (not likely but it has happened in the past).
Our plane finally starts to taxi at 8:20 PM. I try to fall asleep knowing this is all I’m gonna get for the night. We land in San Fran @ 11:00 PM and I call the band member to see if the Arcata flight is gone. It’s on the runway. Too late. Looks like the San Francisco treat tonight (or was it last night?)
We get off the plane at 11:20 PM (did I mentioned we’re in the last row?) and head for the courtesy desk. Lo and behold the airline worker is, in fact, quite courteous. She has us booked on the 6:00 AM to Arcata. There’s an 8:00 AM, 10:00 AM and a 1:00 PM but they’re all sold out. Looks like we’ll be back at the airport at 4:30 AM to check in for the AM flight. Oh joy. Much to my astonishment, the airline worker gives us — along with boarding passes for the 6:00 AM connection — $10 food vouchers and hotel room vouchers for all three of us. Amazing, since weather-related delays usually mean “not our problem.”
We get to the hotel at about 12:15 AM and the hotel restaurant is still open. Sacré bleu! Let’s eat so we don’t have to fight the crowd of disgruntled travelers at the check in counter. After dinner (or was it breakfast?) we get our rooms and try to make a dent in the pillow for an hour (yeah right).
When we meet back at the lobby for the ride back to the airport, the driver is the Shuttle Nazi. All bags in de beck!! No weels in de front!!!” ‘Scuse me sir you are not putting my computer in the back where it can be crushed, thank you very much. We argue with him a bit and then just take our computer bags on the bus. Mister, don’t mess with me. I’ve been up for 27 hours, I’ll be up another 20 before I see a pillow, and Stevie The Bat is about to make an appearance. We get to the airport w/o incident, get on the plane to Arcata which brings me to where I am now. In a hotel room. Along the way, we found Don’s bag, which was lost last night on the way to Arcata. Total commute time for this gig: 27 hours. Total time awake: 45 hours. The gig? Who cares! I’m going to sleep.
